 Writing a column is sort of an evolution of words. Once the words
have been typed into my computer, they are forgotten until I go back
to proofread. The challenge with typing it into my computer as the
words present themselves is that the computer is powered by
electricity. If the electricity takes a leave of absence, my words
disappear like Grandma's Christmas cookies. Gone, never to be seen
again.This is why I have taken to writing my column longhand and
transferring it to the computer when I am finished. It's an extra
step, but as every parent knows, it's easier to take the time to put
a diaper on a baby than to deal with the consequences later. Call it
an insurance policy.
This less technological method has its own set of challenges,
however -- the most difficult being that I need to find a pen and
paper.
The composition notebook that I have been using also doubles as
scratch paper for my daughter's math problems. She doesn't mean to
take my livelihood and scribble integers, exponents and quadratic
equations all over it. To her, paper is paper. If she could read my
chicken scratching, she might realize that this is the notebook Mom
uses to produce her columns... but, would that stop her?
Not if she couldn't find another source of paper.
The pen situation at my house is critical. Most days I can't find
a pen to save my soul. My youngest boy has absconded with every pen
he can find, so that he can manufacture his newest invention: a
Q-tip launcher.
He rips the guts out of the pen and uses the cylindrical barrel
as the cannon part of his launcher. Sometimes he makes a blowgun.
Sometimes he'll use two barrels, Scotch-taped together in a T-shape,
and attach a rubber band to make a Q-tip crossbow.
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 He has a large arsenal of Q-tip weapons lining the walls of his
bedroom -- all made with the latest in ballpoint technology. The
weapons, along with his camouflaged comforter and the pup tent he
has erected in there, qualify his bedroom as an armory.
It's sometimes possible to find an ink cylinder, with or without
the writing tip, but never a whole pen. I guess this means the tools
of my trade are being weaponized without my permission.
I have taken to buying pens in bulk and hiding them in the
medicine cabinet. I found out later that the medicine cabinet is his
Q-tip supplier. So, yes, he found the pens. The only other place he
won't go without some degree of insistence on my part is the
bathtub.
Maybe I should switch to pencils, but, for me, pencils are a
difficult thing to use for writing. If passion for a particular idea
strikes, the pencil lead is not strong enough to handle it.
Inevitably, the point will break off just as I am getting fired up
about something. The feeling of rage this inspires is not unlike
that caused by a power failure.
Another tool of my trade is the thesaurus. I use it nearly every
day to find synonyms. The other members of my family use it to press
flowers, build alien forts and prop up a corner of the sofa. It also
makes a decent coaster for my husband's coffee cup.
This blatant misuse of my writing tools makes me so... what's
another word for... ? Wait, I have to go look under the sofa.
[By LAURA SNYDER]
Laura Snyder is a nationally syndicated columnist,
author and speaker. You can reach her at
lsnyder@lauraonlife.com
or visit www.lauraonlife.com
for more info.
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