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My husband and I married when we were 20 and 19 years old,
respectively. Looking back, you could make a case for us being too
young to be making life decisions of that magnitude. At the time,
though, it seemed that it was the logical next step. We had been
dating for almost three years and my then-boyfriend had just taken a
job in a city 500 miles away. We had three choices: Commute
frequently, let the relationship die, or get married. Living
together was not an option if ever I wanted my parents to speak to
me again. If he hadn't taken a job in Timbuktu, we might have
waited a while longer to get married, but not the 10 or 12 years
that we might have waited if we were one of today's young people.
I conclude that he and I simply were lucky to have met each other
in our teens. Using that logic, either young people today are having
trouble finding one another, or the people they find aren't good
enough for them. Perhaps young people are pickier than we used to
be.
Maybe our generation wasn't picky enough. I think that's more
likely to be true, but it worked out splendidly for us.
Dating is different now as well. The notion that young people
might have trouble finding each other couldn't possibly be true. You
can post your dating resume on dozens of Internet dating sites and
advertise your superior qualities to anyone who has a computer.
The trick is to make yourself sound like a Roman god or goddess
without sounding as if you're bragging. Many subscribers will dub
themselves a "nerd" or a "dork" so that their viewers' expectations
will not be too high. Universally, nerds and dorks are deemed
"safe," so the personal risk of dating one is considerably reduced.
On the other hand, the post that mentions the fact that the
subscriber is a great lover carries the risk that he may try to
prove it on the first date.
So basically, you know what you are getting before the date even
happens. These dating sites offer you a plethora of posts to peruse
to distinguish between those who are lying and those worth having
dinner with.
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 Back in the day, we simply had to hope that some decent scrap of
humanity would float into our orbit one day and be ready to snatch
him before any of our friends did. With those odds, it's no wonder
that we tended to snatch fast and hang on tight, even when we
probably shouldn't. We might even rationalize how his bad breath and
tendency to spit might be an asset in a committed relationship.
People of my generation have taught our children to be more
careful about choosing a lifetime partner. We've taught them that
waiting for the "right" person is less stressful than a divorce. So,
of course, they heeded our sage advice just like they always do...
NOT!
I hereby reject this as a possible reason for the trend.
When it comes right down to it, I believe young people are simply
too busy to take dating seriously. Marriage is a someday thing, and
babies are just too much work to even think about. Sex, however, is
another story. In this millennium, sex and babies do not necessarily
go hand in hand... unless you want them to.
There are some women who decide that the babies are OK, but the
man is too much work. I can't blame them for feeling that way.
Babies eventually grow up and out of bad habits. If they don't, they
eventually move out and bestow their habits upon some other poor
schmuck.
Men may think that women need too much maintenance also. I mean,
why do they always want to "talk"? What's up with that?
It has only been within my lifetime that gender issues have been
studied and written about so prolifically. With so much information
nowadays on how to make a marriage work, you'd think humans would be
getting better at it. Instead, young people are looking at the
workload and deciding: "Nope. That's not for me."
Thirty years ago, my husband and I had very little information to
go on, thank goodness. We simply... winged it.
[By LAURA SNYDER]
Laura Snyder is a nationally syndicated columnist,
author and speaker. You can reach her at
lsnyder@lauraonlife.com
or visit www.lauraonlife.com
for more info. |
