Blundering away from millions of dollars on the internet

By Mike Fak

[February 11, 2011]  I guess I just don't have a head for business. If I did I might actually be a multi-millionaire or perhaps even a billionaire by now.

At least twenty or thirty times a week, I get e-mails from people in far away lands offering me huge sums of money for doing nothing. For some reason: no doubt my self- fulfilling prophesy of being poor my whole life, I haven't taken anyone up on these deals of the century. I guess I just don't have it in me to pull the trigger on one of these mega-financial proposals.  

I have been advised that I am a long lost heir to a portion of England's Princess Diana's estate. It seems somewhere along the line we must have met since why else someone half way around the world would leave me millions of pounds of money doesn't make any sense. As a younger man, on occasion, I used to tie one on and all I can think of is somewhere along the line I met the princess and she took a liking to me.

I have also won several European lotteries or sweepstakes which shows you just how incredibly lucky I am. After all, most people have to enter a contest or lottery but not me. I just seem to automatically win without even trying. Again, people didn't want to just mail me a check but needed me to send them my bank account numbers and password so they could do it all electronically. Again in an effort to remain poor, I passed on these chances of a lifetime, although I wonder for whose lifetime the chance is really for.  
 On many occasions I have been told an oil rich sultan in the Far East wants to share his wealth with me. When I get those communications I always send back a request the guy just lower his oil prices and then me and my friends will all be winners. To date, none of these oil chieftains have replied.  
 
I have also been offered millions in business commissions since I have been hand picked several times as one of the truly honest Americans. Now I will not argue that point and these offers all looked really good. All I had to do was give these people my home address and they would mail me a check for $10 million dollars. I would then send them a check back for $25,000 and the communicator tells me we will all be happy. Actually that's a fair trade since their check and mine will both bounce.  
 
Once in a while these businessmen need to confirm I am in fact the real Mike Fak and ask me to send them my credit card information to verify they have the real Fakster. I could do that easily enough. I'm probably the only person in the world who has a credit limit of $12 on my credit card.  
 
Maybe I can end all these scam e-mails by just putting my banking information out there for the world to see. Crooks seeing just how little I have on hand won't bother me anymore. In fact maybe one of them will feel so sorry for me they might actually cut me in for free on those new kitty litter mines being started up in Kamchatka. I have to admit, the prospectus does look good.  

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