 During this process, we are obligated to keep them safe from harm,
no matter how often they try to kill themselves.It's a tough
task. They make us feel brilliant and stupid at the same time. They
ask unanswerable questions. They take unbelievable risks. They have
unlimited energy until they are asked to rake, sweep, mop or vacuum.
And they are so darn cute!... which is why we have allowed them to
live through their childhood. I'm certain that if there were such a
thing as ugly children, there would be a fair percentage of them who
wouldn't make it.
Every child is different as well. Well-meaning psychologists and
others have tried to capture the essence of a child and write books
to help parents understand them. Although they may successfully help
one parent with one child, there is no single book that can help a
parent with all of her children.
They don't come with a manual and, unfortunately, they are not
equipped with an "OFF" switch. An "OFF" switch could provide parents
with a break for a few hours... or months. If there was a switch
hidden somewhere, I'm pretty sure it would be stuck in the "ON"
position.
Because all kids are different, you cannot predict what will
happen when you give them a small privilege. Of course, you always
hope for the best.
For example, a can of spray paint. No parent in their right mind
would simply hand this item to a child and tell them to "go have
fun." However, if they came to you and asked permission to spray
their Hot Wheels car a different color, you might weigh the facts --
age of the child, condition of the Hot Wheels and the child's flight
factor -- and decide that it's OK to give it a try.
My 15-year-old would turn down his shot at the spray paint
activity. Creativity is not his cup of tea unless he could do it
virtually, on his computer.
My daughter would lay down newspaper, read the instructions on
the can, follow them to the letter and clean up the mess when she is
done.
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 My youngest, at 10 years old, has a flight factor of 350 (out of
351). He needs... some guidance.
"Don't do it in the driveway, in the garage or on the front
lawn," I said.
I told him to take his car to the far side of the house, where we
clean our paint brushes. That would limit the fallout.
The privilege of being able to use the spray paint without
supervision was something in which I knew he would take pride. This
was one of those loosening-of-the-apron-strings moments.
Thirty minutes later, when I went to check on his masterpiece, I
found the products of his labors. First, I saw a large lump of red
paint that used to be his Hot Wheels car. He apparently thought that
if one or two coats looked so good, then a bazillion would be even
better.
I looked around and saw that, when he had finished, or perhaps
between coats, he decided that the car looked so cool, the rest of
his world should match.
...I should have seen this coming.
He polka-dotted the trees, striped the fences and put several "X"
marks on my vinyl siding. Even my trumpet vine did not escape his
artistry.
Obviously, I had misjudged the timing of this particular
privilege. I hate it when I do that!
It's a very good thing that he is so darn cute.
[By LAURA SNYDER]
Laura Snyder is a nationally syndicated columnist,
author and speaker. You can reach her at
lsnyder@lauraonlife.com
or visit www.lauraonlife.com
for more info.
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