Slim Randles' Home Country
Lawn dogmatics
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[June
08, 2013]
It's
idolatry, pure and simple. Why else would millions of men spend
billions of dollars each year on something that simply takes work
and means time away from having fun with friends and family? |
It's worship. Worship of tiny little plants
invading our yards. It's lawn-o-mania.
Since man first invented the yard, he's wanted it to look just
like everyone else's, and has donated years of his life and portions
of his fortune to accomplish this. He's polluted the air with
power-mower fumes, used up enough fresh water in his devotion to
enable us to grow vegetables in Saudi Arabia and has neglected his
family enough to warrant locking him away.
Let's face it; the plague of locusts in ancient Egypt couldn't
bring him to his knees in prayer, but a plague of nut grass or
dandelions will leave him nearly prostrate on a hot summer's day.
If it isn't a religion, why else would people spend money to buy
stuff in a bag to put on a lawn to make it grow faster so it has to
be mowed more often?
Now if this were a practical lawn, it would make some sense. We'd
fertilize it, encourage it to grow quickly and thickly, turn water
on it to help in the process, turn cattle on it to mow it, and then
barbecue the cows.
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column] |
But to grow grass just to cut it down? Try telling that to a
class in logic down at Jerry Hat Trick Junior College and see how
far you get.
So this time of year, take a look at your neighbor out there
whacking down healthy grass that is simply trying to do what he
tells it to. Try to appreciate the sweat and work it takes to keep
millions of tiny plants from realizing their potential. But forgive
him, as he is a faithful follower of green expanses and garages full
of gear. He is, in his way, lighting candles to St. Briggs and St.
Stratton and praying against the onset of cutworms.
Faith is a powerful force.
[Text from file received from
Slim Randles]
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Father's Day. Read a sample at
www.slimrandles.com. |