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 London's venerable Royal Albert Hall released an April 1, 1967
letter from its archives protesting "in the strongest conceivable
terms" at having The Beatles imply in the song "Day in the Life"
that there were 4,000 holes in its auditorium.
Commerzbank sought a solution to Greece's financial woes, saying
Finance Minister Yanis Varoufakis had proposed a one-off license fee
of 1 euro on European Union users of Pythagoras’ theorem.
The resulting revenues from 1 April 570 BC to now would be
107,443,980,002,362,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000 euros at a compounded interest rate of 4
percent, it asserted.
Germany's Frankfurter Allgemeine Zeitung reported that the European
Central Bank was opening a restaurant with a view called "Euro
Sunset". It will offer basic fare to cater for poor southern
Europeans.
Britain's Guardian newspaper reported that famed petrol-head and
guru of political incorrectness Jeremy Clarkson, newly fired host of
the globally popular Top Gear television show, had joined its drive
for fossil fuel divestment.
"Following what he described as a dark night of the soul, Clarkson
said he hoped to regain the trust of the British public by
dedicating his time and financial resources to sustainable energy,
road safety and forging mutual understanding and tolerance between
people of different cultures and religions," the newspaper said.
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The same theme was pursued in Abu Dhabi, where the National
newspaper ran a front-page story saying the United Arab Emirates is
considering banning SUVs and 4x4 vehicles and forcing its famously
fuel-burning drivers to trade down to environmentally friendly
vehicles.
It was the Metro, London's free commuter daily, that showed a woman
leaping to grab items from the top shelf using new aisle-long
trampolines at a Tesco supermarket.
Meanwhile CERN, the European Organization for Nuclear Research,
reported on its website the "first unequivocal evidence for The
Force" using the Large Haldron Collider.
"The Force is what gives a particle physicist his powers," said CERN
theorist Ben Kenobi of the University of Mos Eisley, Tatooine - news
that will come as no surprise to fans of "Star Wars".
(Reporting by Reuters bureaus; Writing by Jeremy Gaunt; Editing by
Ruth Pitchford)
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