Slim Randles' Home Country
Not on your tintype, boys!
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[August 04, 2015]
Whenever
Delbert McLain – our chamber of commerce here – gets a new idea, he
generally shows up at the Mule Barn for coffee. He likes to try the
ideas out on bonafide members of the world dilemma think tank before
springing them on the world. |
“What I’m thinking, guys, is this,” he said, “We need to bring
the Olympic Games here to the valley!”
You could almost hear his balloon of happiness pop when we reminded
him of a few drawbacks to his plan: it would cost millions to build
all the necessary facilities, there is no place to put all the
athletes, and the Olympic parade could march from one end of town to
the other in 10 minutes. He sulked in his coffee and then ordered a
sweet roll to take the sting out of reality.
But just about the time Herb mentioned there not being a place for
all the athletes to spend the night, Bernie was walking behind us,
headed back to his table. According to Bernie, he won the European
war almost single-handedly, with just a little help from General
Patton here and there.
“Olympic athletes?” Bernie said, looking down on us from on high,
“You sure don’t want them here. Ain’t safe.”
Okay, so someone had to ask him why not.
![](http://archives.lincolndailynews.com/2015/Aug/01/images/ads/current/business_directory_filler.png)
“Aliens,” he said. “Ain’t human. This is just their way of taking
over our way of life. You know, get themselves on TV and first thing
you know …”
“Taking over …?”
“Sure,” Bernie said. “You see those pole vaulters? Those high
jumpers? It’s from training where there isn’t as much gravity. And
where would that be? Aha …you see now?
“And those little girls who go flippity flippity? You think real
girls can do that? Not on your tintype, boys! Just ask Doc here.
Doc, can a human being do flippities like that?”
“Well …”
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column] |
![](http://archives.lincolndailynews.com/2015/Aug/01/images/ads/current/MKS_LDA_august_balloon_071615.png)
“See what I mean. You don’t want to invite them to come here and
flippity flippity, guys. First thing you know, our kids will want to
do that and they can’t, of course, and that will give them
inferiority complexes … and once we’re inferior …”
He looked up toward the ceiling as if he were searching for
spacecraft. There didn’t really appear to be anything to say to
logic like that.
[Text from file received from
Slim Randles]
![](../images/LONG%20TERM%20PHOTOS/Ol'%20Jimmy%20Dollar-cover.jpg)
Ol' Jimmy Dollar
is Slim Randles' first children's book. The book is for kids
K-3rd grades and is even better when parents read it with children.
Ol' Jimmy Dollar makes for sweet dreams and if you have a dog
even better. Available now on Amazon.
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