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 The amount Wong spends is all about her relationship to the people
getting married, how fancy the wedding is going to be and whether
she brings a date.
At a recent wedding of a close friend where she did a reading and
went alone, Wong gave the couple $300. At another wedding in her
social circle, she skipped the reception and gave $75.
As the wedding season gets into full swing, guests from coast to
coast are confronted with the same question: How much should you
spend and how should you give it?
THE ETIQUETTE
Wedding experts agree on a couple of things: the closer you are to
the bride or groom, the more you are expected to give, and do not
give more than you can afford just because of the expectations.
Defying the "cost-of-the-meal" school of gift-giving, where guests
give a gift roughly equivalent to what it cost to host them, Kristen
Maxwell Cooper, deputy editor of the wedding-focused website
TheKnot.com, says location and cost of the reception should not be
the burden of the guest.
She offers these guidelines to wedding-goers wherever they might be:
A distant relative or co-worker should give $75-$100; a friend or
relative, $100-$125; a closer relative, up to $150.
If you are wealthy, are you expected to inflate the gift? No, Cooper
says. "If they do, it's because they're just generous people."
Meghan Ely, who has been in the wedding industry for a dozen years,
says it is reasonable to give on the lower end if you had to spend a
lot to get there.
And, she and Cooper agree, buying items off a registry, where there
is one, is a good idea.
"These days, couples are statistically older and more established in
their lives so when they register, they are truly asking for things
that they need," Ely says. "It really takes the guesswork out of it
for the guests."
That's about how it worked out for Melinda Parrish, a 30-year-old
model from Washington, D.C. who got married last year in Annapolis,
Maryland. Her guests spent an average of $115 off her registry, and
most of her friends gave $50-$100. Some who had financial obstacles
made gifts or framed photos. One made a charitable donation in their
name.
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Most of all, she was surprised that about 40 of the 200 guests who
attended gave nothing.
ALTERNATIVE REGISTRIES
Some experts note a trend of couples registering for various
elements of their honeymoon, including a night at a hotel, a dinner
or an evening of drinks.
It's a request that runs afoul of some, including Peggy Newfield,
founder of the American School of Protocol in Atlanta, who recently
attended a wedding where the bride and groom solicited unusual
presents. "You could check whether you wanted your gift to cover
champagne on the plane or in their suite at the hotel, their limo
service, dinner in the evening, or whatever," she says.
Her way of responding to the request: "We sent just a congratulation
card. There is no etiquette today that defines how crass our society
has become."
Cash has even taken a more modern twist - you can send a monetary
gift with your credit card. Websites like Tendr.com facilitate the
process (for a 5 percent cut of each gift).
The 4,000 gifts given in Tendr's just-completed first year in
business averaged $125 nationwide, the company says. Connecticut
wedding-goers were the most generous, with an average cash gift of
$230.
(The author is a Reuters contributor. The opinions expressed are his
own.)
(Editing by Lauren Young, Beth Pinsker and Andrew Hay)
© 2015 Thomson Reuters. All rights
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