Five ways millennial caregivers can find help
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[February 23, 2018]
By Andrea Januta
NEW YORK (Reuters) - Amanda Singer had her
plate full running a dance studio in Massachusetts.
But after her mother underwent emergency surgery and radiation for
breast cancer late last year, Singer, 28, unexpectedly found herself
taking on an even bigger responsibility – the role of unpaid family
caregiver.
Singer is one of millions of millennial caretakers in the United States.
While most of her peers are focused on their careers or relationships,
Singer spends twelve hours a day, three days a week, keeping her mother
company and helping with household tasks like grocery shopping.
Singer has put her romantic life on hold, and said her social life is
"not even existent."
Millennial caregivers are a hidden group bucking the stereotype for
their generation.

"There's a pervasive myth that millennials are narcissistic and that
they're selfish," said Feylyn Lewis, a post-doctoral research fellow at
the University of Sussex, whose work focuses on young adult caregivers
in the U.S.
This stereotype makes it challenging for millennial caregivers to get
the recognition and help they need, she said.
There are about 40 million caregivers in the United States, according to
a 2015 study by the AARP. In 2013, they contributed approximately $470
billion of unpaid work to the economy.
While the typical caregiver tends to be a middle-aged woman, millennials
form nearly a quarter of the caregiving population.
Below are five steps to help millennials cope with caregiving, which can
often be emotionally and physically demanding.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE
Rebekah Beeton, 21, spent much of her life caring for her mother, who
was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis the year Beeton was born.
Beeton remembers helping with daily activities like fixing her mother's
hair at age 10. At 17, she became the primary caregiver alongside her
father until her mother's death in December.
"I remember feeling very alone sometimes, that no one else was going
through what I was going through," said Beeton.

Though support groups skew toward older generations, millennials can
connect online with caregivers their age.
Beeton found support through the National Multiple Sclerosis Society and
Joni and Friends, a religious organization for those with disabilities
and their families.
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF
"The guilt will kill you," said Tiffany Marcum, 33, who moved in with
her father to care for him in 2015 as his dementia progressed.
Until her father's death in January, Marcum would lay out his clothes
before waking him each morning, then walk him through getting dressed,
help him take his medication and prepare him for his daytime care
center. She worked full time and spent evenings after work caring for
him as well.
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A resident holds the hand of a nurse at the SenVital elderly home in
Kleinmachnow outside Berlin May 28, 2013. REUTERS/Thomas Peter

Despite doing all that she could, Marcum still felt guilty for not doing more.
"I was frustrated, and felt bad that I felt frustrated and guilty," Marcum said.
For Marcum, therapy and anti-depressants were helpful. She also recommends being
honest about your feelings in support groups.
Self care is critical. When a caregiver is too focused on others, they can
neglect their own needs and burn out. Get plenty of rest and take breaks, when
possible.
PLAN YOUR FINANCES
Without preparation, millennials who take time off to care for a loved one may
not have their own money set aside for the future, including retirement, said
Grace Whiting, chief executive of the non-profit National Alliance for
Caregiving.
"Millennials have to plan for the financial part, as they're getting older,
too," Whiting said.
Organizations including the Alzheimer's Association (http://alz.org/) and the
Women's Institute for a Secure Retirement (http://www.wiserwomen.org/) provide
resources to help caregivers prepare for long-term financial sustainability.

KNOW YOUR STATE'S DISCRIMINATION LAWS
The average millennial caregiver is employed and works 34.9 hours a week,
according to the AARP. But caregiving can get in the way of career advancement.
"Millennials are trying to get started in their careers," said Lewis. "If you
need to take time off for work or if you're late for work, your caregiving is
starting to impact the role you have."
Different states have different laws protecting caregivers from discrimination.
You can find more about your rights on AARP's website (https://www.aarp.org/caregiving/).
AVOID COMPARISONS WITH PEERS
Every millennial caregiver's life changes in different ways, so avoid comparing
yourself with others.
Beeton, who got a college degree online to continue caregiving, reminds herself
that it is okay if she hits milestones at different times than her peers.
Beeton knew her mom would not be around forever. She would remind herself: "This
is what life's about right now."
(Editing by Lauren Young and Bernadette Baum)
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