|
 She said she had grown accustomed to the call
after the mammogram for additional testing because her mammogram
would be questionable, and she chuckled, that her girls were not the
same size. One breast was larger than the other, and the medical
professionals were always concerned about that.
On this particular occasion, she was called in for that additional
testing. A sonogram that would give greater detail of what was going
on inside her body. She didn’t give it a whole lot of thought, she
just went. But on this occasion, the outcome was a little different.
Wendy explained that she met with the Clinical Radiologist who put
her on a table and did a series of pictures of her right breast. At
one point in time the radiologist left the room. Wendy said she
moved a bit and was able to see the screen and the last picture from
the sonogram. There it was. A big black blob. Breast cancer – she
had cancer. Her mind ran through what that meant and she began then
digesting the fact that she was now a statistic that she never
really expected to be. She had no family history of breast cancer,
she didn’t smoke, she tried to live a healthy lifestyle and of
course, she had her annual tests to make certain she was okay, there
it was – cancer.
When Wendy was able to speak with the professional though she found
out that the big black blob was a cyst. But the shocking part was
that the Radiologist, Lisa Wichterman, had noted a small mass hidden
behind the cyst. For Wichterman, this was a big deal, a hard to see
tumor that had been successfully identified in spite of the cyst. A
biopsy was done and the diagnosis was confirmed. The tumor was
cancer, and it was now time to come up with a plan of action.
Wendy’s ob/gyn was Doctor Sarah Arbuthnot, a breast cancer survivor
herself. Wendy recalled the care and compassion the doctor had for
her. Because Arbuthnot was a survivor, Wendy said the doctor seemed
to have a greater understanding and empathy for the emotional state
that Wendy was in, and also was a great cheerleader for the fact
that people do survive breast cancer.
One of the more humorous parts of the story for Wendy and husband
Terry was when Wendy was assigned to an oncologist/surgeon who would
take care of her treatment, and it turned out to be Lisa
Wichterman’s husband Keith. When they met with Dr. Keith, Wendy said
he already knew all about her, and explained that she had been the
topic of dinner table conversation between Keith and Lisa. Lisa had
been very excited that she had seen the tumor, and had been pretty
pleased about finding it early, finding it in a hidden place, and
probably saving a life.
For Wendy, the action plan for treating her cancer included a
lumpectomy followed by a daily dose of radiation. There would be no
chemotherapy, and she would not be losing her hair, as so many
people do.
Wendy recalled that telling family was a big part of the experience,
and difficult. She said that she called her mother and spoke with
her, but said she wanted to call her two younger brothers
personally. The two brothers work together, so Wendy made the call
and asked the bothers to put the call on speaker phone so she only
had to say it once. When she told them she had cancer, there was a
silence. Then one brother blurted out, “So are you going to be
bald?” When Wendy said no probably not, his response was “good, then
we don’t have to shave our heads!”
While some moments were funny, not all were. Wendy recalled that in
2014 she was 55 years old. Her mother-in-law, Terry’s mom, had
breast cancer and had died at the age of 55. That fact shook Wendy
and Terry both. While Wendy said she never for a moment thought she
would die, the fact that she was the same age as Terry’s mom and
fighting cancer was a little unnerving.
Terry’s mother died in 1986. Terry and Wendy had been married in
December of 1985. Wendy said while she had known Terry’s mom before
they were married, she felt that she had very little time with the
woman as a mother-in-law, and that hurt. She said she felt she did
not get the opportunity to learn from her mother-in-law how to be a
good mother-in-law herself.
During her journey, Wendy turned to social media to express some of
the things she was feeling. Most of her posts were upbeat and
positive.
But on one particular day she wrote,
“Down to my last seven days. I’m
switched to a regular pillow and lay on my side so they can target
the incision area. I walk in and Elton John’s “Rocket Man” is
playing. I bit my lip until the therapists left the area and then
the tears started to roll.”
“On January 28th, 1986 the Challenger Space Shuttle exploded as it
lifted into space. Gripped in mourning the tragedy, the radio
stations made Rocket Man the anthem. While the nation watched around
the clock television footage of the disaster and said farewell to
the astronauts, our family was saying goodbye to my mother-in-law
Eula as she succumbed to breast cancer… She missed the birth of our
two sons and her three great-grandchildren. She missed countless
birthdays, holidays, school activities, graduations and her
granddaughter’s wedding. She missed watching Terry portray Santa
Claus, and most important of all she missed the million small
day-to-day memories that would have been made.
“The irony is not lost on me that five days short of 29 years later,
I will finish my radiation at the same age as she passed away.”
[to top of second column] |
 Wendy said to this day, she won’t listen to that
song, it is too painful. Terry said that part of the reason is that
he knows his mom waited too long to be seen and treated. He said
that when she was gone he felt anger that she had neglected her own
health, which is why he and Wendy both are huge advocates of early
detection. In January, Wendy will be a
five-year survivor. Since her cancer, she said that yes, perhaps she
has changed a bit. She recalls days when she felt a little sorry for
herself and what she was experiencing at the doctor’s office. Then,
she would walk out into the room where they had a collection of hats
and turbans for chemo patients. And she would tell herself to buck
up, because there were others who were going through much tougher
times than she was.
Wendy said that she learned a little more about tolerance. Going
back to those hats and turbines, she said "not all cancer
patients wear turbans. You don’t know what is going on inside based
on what you see outside.” It taught her to be more tolerant when
she experienced other people having a bad day or showing a bad
attitude, because she would remind herself that she was only seeing
what was on the outside, she had no idea what that person was going
through on the inside.
Wendy said that during her diagnosis and treatment, she felt
fortunate that her doctors were very good communicators. She learned
to ask questions and be proactive in her treatment, and the doctors
responded well, giving her plenty of information.
She said perhaps her one surprise was the loss of underarm hair from
the radiation. Wendy’s surgery was done from the side of her breast,
so the incision was below her armpit. Her final stages of radiation
were done on the incision and it destroyed her underarm hair. She
asked the doctor about it, and he said that the hair would probably
never come back. In her social media posts she counted that as a
bonus, “My doctor was
pleased that my skin has healed so well and told me he doesn’t
expect a re-occurrence. YES! Praise God! I asked about the fact that
no hair is growing under my arm and he told me it might never grow
there again – WOW – a bonus to radiation therapy! LOL!”
Wendy says she is grateful for so many things,
perhaps most of all for the love and support she received from
friends and family and especially from her husband Terry. She noted
he was very attentive, helping her with medications she had to take,
applying lotions to her radiation burns, and tucking her into bed.
For Terry who defines his relationship with Wendy as “joined at the
hip,” being an active part of her treatment and recovery was a
given. There was no place else he wanted to be than beside his wife
as she went through this.
Wendy recalled that was also the first year that Terry had served as
Santa at White Oaks Mall. That made it hard for him because he had a
duty to fulfill and he couldn’t be with her at the doctor’s office
every single visit like he would have liked. But it worked out, and
she said he was there when she needed him the most and that was all
that mattered.
Terry recalled one day at the mall that took his breath away. He was
sitting in his Santa chair and looked out across the area and saw
Wendy’s doctor standing there. Wendy was at the office getting
treatment at the time. Terry said he let out an involuntary “WOOF!”
and was out of that chair in a flash. When Terry made his way to
where Dr. Wictherman was, the good doctor told him that the staff
had insisted he come over and book Terry for their staff Christmas
party! Terry said that while that was humorous to them now, at the
time, he thought the doc could have picked a better time than while
Wendy was in the office getting treatment to just suddenly appear at
the mall.
Five years a survivor, Wendy still goes to the doctor on a regular
basis. Asked if that was a bit unnerving she said no, not really.
The visits are routine. Her trigger though that brings on a little
bit of anxiety, is the day she goes for the annual mammogram. Even
though that is a nerve racking day, she still does it and will
continue to do it. The annual mammogram saved her life. The cancer
was found very early and her treatment plan was effective, and she
is looking forward to many years with her husband and her kids. She
says she will cherish every moment and not take anything for
granted.
For others, Wendy said she would offer a few suggestions. Don’t put
off those yearly exams, they are vitally important. If you feel that
something is wrong, don’t run from it, meet it head on. Early
detection and early treatment are very important, putting off your
diagnoses is not going to prolong life. Be proactive in your
treatment. Ask questions, study, research your cancer and your
doctors. If you’re not comfortable with your doctor or not confident
in his/her advice, then find someone else. Second opinions are good
and most doctors are open to sharing their conclusions with other
experts.
And perhaps most important of all, don’t assume the worst. Death is
not inevitable, and how you respond to your treatment, how you face
each challenging day is very much dependent upon your own attitude.
Choose to be a survivor and assume that you will come out on the
other side better for the battle.
[Nila Smith] |
