For Tulip, 41, that was the only beginning of an avalanche of
personal and financial loss and hardship brought on by a pandemic
that has now claimed the lives of nearly half a million people in
the United States alone. The heavy emotional toll was just too much
to process, short-circuiting her ability to grieve.
"There's sometimes situations where people do have to delay their
grief, there isn't enough space, emotionally, to do it," Sonya Lott,
a psychologist who specializes in prolonged grief, said.
"If you can somehow keep moving, that helps you to survive for some
time, but eventually that crashes," she said. "The grief doesn't go
away."
COVID-19 has now killed more Americans than World War Two. January
alone was the pandemic's deadliest month - nearly 96,000 people lost
their lives, according to a Reuters analysis of public health data.
Even for those Americans who have grown numb after a year of grim
statistics, the 500,000-death milestone is a startling reminder of
the monumental loss the pandemic is leaving in its trail. Even so,
only stories like Tulip's can reveal the full scope of the tragedy.
Shortly after the passing of her mother, a respiratory therapist in
Texas, Tulip's husband lost his job. She was getting sporadic work
as a personal trainer but not nearly enough to support her family.
They suddenly had to worry about their finances and future job
prospects in expensive New York City where they live in a one
bedroom apartment with their 17-month-old daughter Lua.
In the following months, she suffered two miscarriages while the
virus took her uncle and another relative. Tulip said that, tragedy
after tragedy, she has not been able to find time and space to
grieve everything she has lost.
"I was a pretty emotional person and since my mom died it is very
hard to bring tears out," Tulip, who has now regained full
employment working as a communications professional and is
supporting her family, told Reuters earlier this month. "I just
don't have time, and it sounds so heartless and callous. ... I just
don't have time to sit with it."
'TSUNAMI' OF GRIEF
Some experts are worried about the long-term consequences of delayed
grief and, more broadly, about the long-lasting effects the pandemic
is going to inflict on the nation.
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"We need to be concerned," said
Lott. "We're looking at a tsunami of not just
grief but depression, anxiety... all types of
physical conditions because of the amount of
stress that people are under individually and
collectively as a result of the pandemic."
COVID-19 has affected the lives of Americans in
myriad ways, whether it is the loss of loved
ones, unemployment or childcare.
This "multitude" of losses not limited to death
creates greater vulnerability for prolonged
grief disorder, a condition in which grief
continues to be persistent, intense, and
interferes with an individual's daily
functioning a year after the death of a loved
one, Lott said.
The pandemic also took away many of the
resources that people typically tap into to deal
with hardship. It made it difficult if not
impossible to tend to a loved one in the
hospital, to attend a funeral or to simply hug
and find comfort in the presence of others.
'KEEP CHUGGING'
The last correspondence Tulip had with her
mother was a series of text messages. "I am
super weak, I need to shower. The cough is
hurting me," her mother texted her the day
before she succumbed to the virus.
"Just rest. No need to get up," Tulip texted
back.
For Veronica Espinosa, the sudden death of her
father left her unable to fully process his
loss.
Her father died of COVID-19 shortly after
Thanksgiving last year in a Miami-area hospital.
His condition deteriorated in a matter of days,
and Espinosa, an only child whose mother does
not speak English, was able to see him briefly
before he died.
However, she was heartbroken she could not be by
his side when he passed. "He died alone, we
couldn't be there," she recalled tearfully
during an interview earlier this month.
As she grieved, other worries weighed on the
37-year-old teacher. Her husband contracted
COVID-19 and his home inspection business took a
hit, putting on her the burden of providing for
them and their young son.
Espinosa is looking ahead to the end of the
pandemic with a mix of apprehension and hope.
"I think that once this starts to die down, it
puts things into perspective and you're going to
be able to think more," she said. "The bad thing
is you're going to be flooded with emotions."
Tulip is also bracing for what lies ahead.
"I have no doubt that will hit me hard whenever
it does," she told Reuters. "So many things will
but until then I'll keep chugging."
(Reporting by Maria Caspani; Editing by Diane
Craft)
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