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 It’s the same food we just served at Thanksgiving.
Once again, we’re treated to an overrated stuffed bird and
cranberries shaped like a can. We do this to follow tradition, and
nobody wants to suggest otherwise, lest Great-Grandma Josephine
think we’re personally insulting her. And we also can’t escape the
conversations at the dinner table.
But there’s one thing I haven’t touched on yet, because it’s been a
long time since it applied to me, and because I’m not a parent. But
here goes. Everything about the food we serve at Christmas when it
comes to children is, quite possibly, objectively incorrect.
Think about children at Christmas. They know exactly what they want:
presents. And probably to pick on their cousins. I say let them
throw each other around a little. They probably only see them once
or twice a year and throwing your little cousins into a couch is
good for their sense of balance.
In other words, we take children, taunt them with what they want,
and then say, “not so fast, you have to eat the same stuff you ate a
month ago first.” And we know they don’t even like most of it, and
then we get mad at them for it. Children aren’t just picky for the
sake of it, you know. Younger people have more sensitive taste buds,
and a bad texture means game over. That’s why I have yet to meet a
child that likes stuffing. Come to think of it, most adults don’t
like it either, but just do a better job of hiding it.
But then, just as the children are trying to say they’re finished
with their food, we berate them for not eating enough. I genuinely
don’t think people remember what it’s like to be a kid when it comes
to food, especially at the holidays. We make so much food to have
leftovers, not to force it down everyone’s throat all at once.
Again, none of us really want it the first time around. Why make
dinner such a battle?
And then we decide to taunt the children with sweet desserts.
Cookies, cakes, pie; a random aunt’s homemade fudge. And every year,
we give in and give them more sugar and sweets. And then we wonder
what possessed us to do that as they bounce off of everything.
Now I know what you’re thinking. This is where I ramble about
children and sugar and how we should do more to learn a lesson and
separate the two, preferably by actual miles, or else we can kiss
any kind of silence good-bye as they bounce off the walls. And you’d
be half-correct.
The problem is not “I gave my kid sugar, dear God, what have I
done?” The problem is “why did I give them sugar and then expect
them to sit still for three hours?” Does no one remember simple
high-school health class? What is sugar for? It gives the body
energy. Now I’m not a doctor or a scientist, but children have tiny
bodies, and smaller dietary needs. A spoonful of sugar in my coffee
gives me a bit of a jolt in the morning but nothing more. A spoonful
of sugar in a six-year-old doesn’t just help the medicine go down,
it adds a second dose.
My core complaint here is not that we give kids sugar at Christmas
time. It’s that we give them sugar at Christmas time, and then make
them sit still, all on their one of their favorite days of the year,
and then we have the gall to complain about it instead of find an
actual solution.
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And while we’re on the subject of Christmas and
desserts- we give them the same thing in that department every year,
too. In my family, every Christmas meant the same pie, the same
candies that I didn’t understand, and the same cookies with a weird
texture. Why does the menu never change? And don’t say you’re having
fruit cake. Kids can’t handle fruit cake, and neither can most
adults. It makes a better support for the front porch. And the
really good fruit cake is more “loaded” than Grandpa after he eats
half of it on the 26th.
My point is that if we’re so tired of the kids’ shenanigans after a
serving of Christmas fudge, then it sounds like maybe the fudge
really is the problem. Don’t want to overload on sugar? Then try
adding something new to the mix. Even if it doesn’t turn out well,
at least you tried something different. Or, dare I say it, look to
the other holidays. There are more than two dozen holidays or
spiritual observances in the month of December alone. Try something
from one of their books. Find a friend or a family member with a
different belief system and see what desserts they have to eat.
If nothing else, you’ll get a new memory out of the ordeal. That’s
what the holidays are really about; good memories, even if the food
is questionable. If we only remember that every year Aunt Agnes
gives us another batch of cookies to take home because she wants the
kids to bounce off of our walls, and then we wonder why, that really
sounds like our fault. But it doesn’t have to be our problem.
Basically, let the kids be kids, and be excited. And cherish the
memories. Even when they accidentally break something or throw their
cousins into the recliner upside down. Sugar is not the bad guy
here; a stubborn pattern of tradition and a need to “behave” is,
whatever that’s supposed to mean.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to make a batch of brownies. I
have family coming to town for the holidays after all.
[Derek Hurley]
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