|
 Now
before you can sneak away, here comes that pharaoh of the
feed-store, that baron of the bunkhouse, that titan of the tack room
…Windy Wilson.
Well, t’other day I meandurated around town until I crept in to
Sarah’s bookstore. You know the one. Has that sign on them
bookshelves says “Love and other Fiction.” Been meanin’ to ask her
‘bout that one a these days. Oh, Alphonse Wilson here ‘course.
Well, Miz Sarah shore is a sweetie and I like droppin’ on in there
ever now and then. Wellsir, this day, I was huntin’ a Farmer’s
Almanac for the new year. You know how it is … hate to do somethin’
stoo-pid like plant cabbages in the wrong bowels of somethin’ like
that.
Wellsir, Sarah kinda looks me up and down, and I got glad as could
be about bein’ a upright fine-lookin’ beast, and then she rears back
and asks me to put on this yere Santa suit and talk to the kiddies
later that day. She said she’d even give me that almanac for doin’
it.
Well, hot dingles, campers! I got the suit and them
fakeroo whiskers slapped ‘em on and took up my perch right there
next to them history shelves.
I didn’t notice anything strange ‘til I was ‘bout three kids in, you
know. Then I noticed ol’ Sarah had got the Santa elf fever her
ownself!
Yep, she come over and stationed herself right next to good ol’
Santa. That’s me, you know. Wellsir, the very next tike that come up
was this cute little girl and she hopped up in ol’ Santa’s lap. So I
nacherly sent seasonings greetings across to ‘er.
I said, “Hello there, young lady. Do you wish to convey an
appurtenance of Christmas time wishes to all of us at this
conflagration?”
And she says “Huh?” kinda like she didn’t understand. Then Sarah
whispers to her “Say Merry Christmas.”
And she says Merry Christmas, Santa. [to top of second
column] |
“Tell Santa what you want for
Christmas,” said Sarah. And the kidlet says, “Oh … I want a doggie!”
“I see! Says I. You desire to bask in the unabrashed afflictions of
our four-legged companeros.”
“No” she says, “… I want a doggie.”
“Well a-course you do., says I. I looked at her mama and she gives
me the nod.
You know how it’s a adult duty to appertain responsibility, so’s I
look down and says, “Now you realize, a-course, that havin’ a dog
means providin’ it with ampulatory nourishment and care. And there
may be some … excretatory surprises to be remedliated.”
The girl looked up at her mother. And her mama says she’ll hafta
feed it and clean up after it.
And that little angel says, “I will, Santa!”
So as to put the Santa visit into terminatin’ remembrances, I said
and a felicious cerebellum of the sanctified parturitionatin’
occurrence to you, my dear.”
And she looked up at me and says “Merry Christmas!”
I musta done a good job of it, too, ‘cuz when the guys come in from
the Mule Barn, I heard Sarah tell ‘em next year she was a-goin’ to
charge admission.
And you can tell ‘em I said so!
[Text from file received from
Slim Randles]
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