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The secret to training any animal is simply
timing, says the former cowboy who was unable to teach his horse to
jump a two-by-four. But that was long ago, of course, and today, the
wisdom age gives us makes these training secrets available to those
who will accept them.
Just take our beagle, Minnie. To be fair, she lives in a one-dog
house. But she also lives with three cats. It’s not that Minnie is
intimidated. When she is approached by a cat who isn’t sufficiently
awed by her wonderfulness, what she’s doing isn’t cringing, she’s
merely practicing her third-grade atomic attack position in the
middle of the living room.
And we recently went through yet another of our famous Albuquerque
hot air balloon fiestas. I’m sure you know about our fiesta, where
hundreds of migratory birds are frightened out of their minds, the
locals make millions selling champagne and propane, and the
restaurants try to see who can kill the most tourists with their
special mix of green chile.
Now Minnie, who can view millions of miles of sky from our yard, has
a very simple solution to the balloon problem: shoot them down and
kill them all. Why? Because these aren’t balloons that are fun, or
kind to dogs. [to top of second
column]
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If you listen closely, the
translation is clear …” I SEE YOU, YOU BLOATED FIRE BREATHING DOG
EATER! Come down here and show me your permit to fly over our house!
Or come down and fight like a dog!”
Multiply that by 840 balloons, and the message makes it all the way
up to the invading pilots.
Grandchildren deserve to be impressed by an ancestor’s animal
training abilities as well. Just ask mine about Fluffy. Fluffy is my
well-trained lizard in the back yard.
In summer, I’ll often look at him on the concrete block wall and
order him to do push-ups for the kids. He’s good at it, too.
[Text from file received from
Slim Randles]
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Brought to you by a novel of the Southwest, Sun Dog Days, by Slim
Randles. www.betterworldbooks.com/go/mission.
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