Coping with grief and loss during the holidays

[November 21, 2023]   The Holidays bring joy, togetherness, family, and friends, but for some people the holidays can be especially challenging. This time of year is known for family gatherings and each holiday season that passes marks the passage of time in our lives. The holiday season can be especially tough if you have experienced loss. The loss can be recent or have occurred some time ago, it can be the loss of a family member, a friend, a pet, or even the loss of a relationship.

Grief and bereavement are universal, there is no rhyme or reason, pattern, or ultimate guide. When you lose someone special you lack the exuberance and joy in everyday life, let alone holidays and celebrations. It can be difficult to be happy at all. Here, you will find some tips and suggestions for letting your emotions guide you during the holidays. Rather than ignoring the pain of grief, try to incorporate the love you felt and still feel. Celebrate the life of your loved one. You may be surprised to find warmth and healing in unexpected places.

Listen to Your Body and your Heart

Pay close attention to your health when navigating the grieving process. You may be surprised to learn that grief surfaces physically as well as emotionally. The part of the brain associated with emotion and stress is activated during the grieving process. Grief can interrupt and even change the chemicals in your brain causing your immune system to be dysregulated. Although you may not feel like eating, it is important to eat healthy foods that nourish both your body and your mind. You will need extra rest during the grieving process and the holidays are often a time of hectic schedules. Be kind to yourself and allow for the rest you require. It is a good idea to seek the help of your healthcare provider. Your healthcare team can give you suggested menus, sleep schedules, and the resources to help you walk through the holiday season and beyond.

Talk About Your Grief

Swallowing your grief and pain won’t make it go away. Talking about your grief openly may make you feel better. Don’t be afraid to express your feelings during the holiday season. Spending as much time as possible with family and friends who love and support you. If it feels right for you to take some time to talk openly, then share some stories, memories, and photos.

Surround Yourself with Support

Inventory your friends and relatives and identify those who allow you to express your feelings without judgement. Attend holiday events with those people who understand that this can be a very difficult season for you and those who make accommodations for you to feel as comfortable as possible. Celebrate and remember with the ones who accept you at your best and at your lowest.

Set Realistic Expectations

No one expects you to attend every holiday gathering, grieving or not. Remember to be kind to yourself and take into account that maybe this year will be a little different. Think about the holiday responsibilities you’ve had in the past and decide if you’re still up to the task. Take others up on their offer to help. Sadness and feelings of grief can wear you down, making you more fatigued than normal. Listen to what your body is telling you. You may already feel stressed, so don’t overextend yourself. Realize that merely “keeping busy” won’t distract you from your loss, it may do the exact opposite. Keep this holiday season as low key as you need it to be. Your family and friends will understand.

Try to Resist Cancelling or Skipping the Holiday Altogether

Keeping it low key doesn’t have to mean isolating yourself. There may be certain traditions you don’t feel ready to handle, and that is OK. Attend gatherings that you feel you can handle. If you go to an event and you don’t feel equipped to handle it, excuse yourself. Be aware that family members and friends who are also experiencing the same loss may have their own difficulties with certain traditions. Each person and the relationships that they have are unique. Give each other permission to grieve while trying to find a way to also celebrate. Externalizing your loss may help. Some ways to include your loss you are: a prayer before Holiday dinner, mentioning your loss, lighting a candle for your loved one, leaving an empty seat for your loved one, sharing treasured memories.

Do What Feels Right for You

Family and friends, though they mean well, may often try to tell you how should feel. Instead of going along with their plans, try to focus on what you want to do. Decide what family traditions you want to continue and consider new alternatives. Getting caught off guard may evoke feelings of panic, fear, and anxiety during the holidays and especially during grief when your emotions are already heightened. Ask yourself things like “who will be there?” how long will it last?”, Preparing yourself may make attending holiday gatherings a little easier.

Embrace Your Memories

Hold on to the memories that you made. Memories are one of the most treasured gifts we can give each other. Your memories may bring laughter and they may bring tears. The most important thing is for you to feel. Feel real, raw, honest emotions. Grief has been described as the price we pay for love. Allow yourself to feel the emotions. Memories of the person, pet, or relationship that you have lost were made in love, and love deserves to be felt, remembered, grieved, and celebrated. Avoid self-medicating with things like alcohol. If you find yourself needing a boost during the holidays, go for a walk, call a friend, cuddle with a pet, or even write in a journal. Try not to look down on those that feel a sense of joy during the holiday season. Just as you expect them to be aware of your feelings, you must do the same for them.

Get Spiritual

The holidays certainly bring about a sense of spirituality and faith. Surround yourself with people who share, understand, and respect your beliefs. You may want to attend a holiday service or a special religious ceremony. You may not feel ready to express your gratitude through faith and that is understandable too. It is very natural to feel that you may never enjoy the holidays again. Although your life will not be the same as it was before the loss, your faith may guide you to a new understanding of yourself, your loss, and of the holiday spirit.

As you approach the holidays, remember that grief is both a necessity and a privilege. Allow yourself to grieve. Try to remember that grief is the result of giving and receiving love. Try to love yourself and those around you. Be patient, both with yourself and others. Reach out to family and friends if you need help. There is always someone who cares. Wishing you peace and love this holiday season.

[Lesleigh Bennett]

National Hotline for Mental Health Crises And Suicide Prevention – 988

Lap of Love Pet Loss and Bereavement Resource Line [phone]

Crisis Text Line - Text HOME to 741-741 in the U.S.

Resources:

https://willowhouse.org/grief-and-loss-during-the-holiday-season/

https://www.centerforloss.com/2016/12/helping-heal-holiday-season/

https://grief.com/grief-the-holidays/

 

Read all the articles in our new
2023 Home for the Holiday magazine

Title CLICK ON TITLES TO GO TO PAGES	Page
Happy Holidays!  How did we get here?	4
Christmas 2023 Trivia	6
Coping with grief and loss during the holidays	10
Keep your poinsettia happy and healthy	14
The history and miracle of Hanukkah	18
O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree:  how evergreens ended up decking our halls for the holidays	28
How to choose a Christmas tree theme	32
Santa?  I know him!	36
The universally significant principals of Kwanzaa	40
The history of Father Time and Baby New Year	44
Ring in the New Year alocohol free	48