|
 Ya
know, I swear if somebody comes up with a concretenation that
included
sucking dirty rocks, ol’ Mame the Dame would sign up.
Now don’t git me wrong, I think Mamie Dilworth is a nice lady, and I
enjoy
seein’ what she’s up to next, ya know? She can’t cook … gives ya raw
fish when
you go over there … but she has a perty nice smile and I can take
it, ya know.
So she told me jest t’other day to git ready, cuz we’re goin’ out
for goat yoga.
Well, natcherly I mentioned I’d had blueberry and strawberry, but
goat-flavored seemed a little bit past the ol’ rabbit-proof fence.
She said it weren’t yogurt, But yoga … you know, where people who
live in them Tibetty-type mountains tie theirselves in knots and hum
to their belly buttons?
Yeah, them guys.
So I gits in the car with her and we go to a little
farm outside-a town and there
was some more women there puttin’ their hands together and bowin’ to
each other,
and then the head yogurt lady says positions! Well, I turned around
and put my hands on the corral fence and spread my legs, but that
weren’t what ol’ Yogurtina had in mind.
Them ladies all laid down to do push ups, and this helper girl
opened the chute and let in the goats. Little baby pigmy kinda
goats. And them little boogers each of ‘em jumped on a woman’s back
and went to dancin’ ‘round. [to top of second
column]
 |
Honest. If I’m lyin’ may I wake
up as a student in law school and have to eat raspberry torts. And
change my name from Windy to Justin.
Yessir, and them ladies was
gigglin’ and push uppin’ and then ol’ Yogurtina says Downward-facing
dog! Yes she did. And the ladies stuck their butts in the air like a
stink bug and the goats went to prancin’ around on top of ‘em and
underneath ‘em, and I tell ya, it was somethin’ to see.
OK now, ladies, yells Yogurtina, let’s PLANK! Down they go on their
bellies
again, with a comflagationary of goats leapin’ all over ‘em.
On the ride home, ol’ Mame says to me if I understood this here goat
yoga and
what I thought of it. She wanted me to do it with ‘em next time. I
told her I already did the super magnum goat yoga thingie and I were
less than enthusiastical ‘bout it.
I ‘splained jest how I’d jest went from downward-facin’ dog to flat
plankin’ in
the arena and that bull had landed on me and I’d landed in the
hospital for four
days and I thought I’d given that kinda exercise ‘bout all it was
gonna get outa me.
And you can tell ‘em I said so.
[Text from file received from
Slim Randles]
Brought to
you by the American Goat Federation, who claim the first goats in
the New World were brought here in 1493 by Columbus. And no one
objected. |
