Losing a family pet gives parents a chance to teach children about death
and grieving
[October 10, 2025]
By CHEYANNE MUMPHREY
Losing a pet is the first time many children encounter death. The
experience can become an opportunity for profound emotional learning and
influence how young people understand and process grief when they are
adults, according to psychologists and pet bereavement specialists.
Parents and guardians therefore have important roles to play when a
family pet dies. Along with helping children accept the painful
permanence of death, caregivers can guide kids through a healthy and
healing mourning process that provides a foundation for coping with an
inevitable part of life.
“People are so adverse to talking about death and grief, but it is the
one thing that is guaranteed: We are all going to die. We need to be
open to talking about that,” said Deirdra Flavin, CEO of the National
Alliance for Children’s Grief.
Here are some things to consider when talking with children about death
and supporting them through pet loss.
Children respond to death in different ways
Depending on how old they are and their individual circumstances,
children vary in their ability to comprehend the concept of death. The
way they process grief, how long they mourn and the impact of the loss
is also unique to each child, just as it is for adults. Experts say
sadness, anger and other overwhelming emotions associated with grief may
be more difficult for younger children to navigate, so having support is
crucial.
Psychologists and bereavement counselors say some people feel the
heartbreak from a pet's death as intensely as the loss of any other
loved one, reflecting the potential depths of human-animal bonds. In the
case of children, their relationship with a pet, and whether the death
was sudden or not, are other factors that may shape individual
responses.
Colleen Rolland, president of the Association for Pet Loss and
Bereavement, says parents usually know how intellectually and
emotionally capable their children are of processing death.
Children as young as 4 years old might have been exposed to death
through fairy tales and other stories but may struggle to understand its
finality, Rolland said. Older children, who will know their loss is
forever, may need more emotional support from friends and family, she
said.
Elizabeth Perez said she learned quickly how differently her three
children processed the death of their dog, Zoe, who was hit by a car
nearly a year-and-a-half ago in front of their second daughter. The
other two children were inside the family's home in Pullman, Washington.
“Carmen would talk about how the images kept replaying in her head, she
was having nightmares and couldn't sleep,” Perez said, adding that her
daughter hasn't worn the dress she had on that day since.
Perez recalls she and her husband spending a lot of time with Carmen,
now 11, and asking her questions about her feelings. Even their youngest
child, who did not see the car hit Zoe and had spent the least amount of
time with the dog, still tears up thinking about the April 2024
accident.
“It was really hard for the whole family. Everybody was feeling it
differently and at different times,” Perez said. “We, as parents, did
not feel prepared.”
Using clear language and avoiding euphemisms
Experts say it’s important to be honest and use clear language when
discussing death with children. Adults often are inclined to protect
children with euphemisms, such as a pet went to sleep, got lost or was
put down.
“That can be alarming for children and cause a lot of confusion and
fear. So, saying ‘The fish went to sleep’ might create concerns for the
child when they are going to sleep,” Flavin said. “Particularly with
younger kids because they are so literal in terms of the way that things
are expressed to them.”
When Leah Motz's daughter was 2 years old, she told her their
15-year-old dog, Izzy, had a “good life but his body is broken and it
won’t be able to fix itself.” Motz recalled that before taking him to be
euthanized near their home in Renton, Washington, she further explained
they were going to “help Izzy die.”
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Meaghan Marr holds the ashes her previous dog, Jewels, on Thursday,
Sept. 25, 2025, in Cartersville, Ga. (AP Photo/Brynn Anderson)
 Support children through deep
feelings
Sometimes adults have a hard time recognizing the impact that losing
a pet instead of a person might have on children. Rolland says child
grief tends to be trivialized in general, and that people who are
very devoted to their pets can produce as much stigma as sympathy.
“But pet loss is a very real form of grief,” she said.
Raquel Halfond, a licensed clinical psychologist with the American
Psychological Association, says children’s behavior often indicates
how they are feeling even if they are not expressing it verbally.
“Maybe you notice your child is having more tantrums. Suddenly
there’s stuff that they used to love doing, they no longer want to
do. Maybe they start to refuse to go to school. It’s really normal
to have these for a while,” Halfond said.
Other signs to look for include uncharacteristic sadness, tears,
anger and even silence, she said. A child's emotional response is
often independent of their willingness to talk about death, but she
said it might be time to seek professional help if their emotions or
behavior affect their ability to function.
It’s OK for adults to grieve with children
Much like they do in other situations or developmental stages,
children often learn how to handle grief by watching their
caregivers. The way adults respond to loss is likely to set an
example for their children.
“Parents, or caregivers, must be confident in how they deal with pet
loss,” Rolland said, adding that parents who are unfamiliar with
grief or display unhealthy behaviors might teach children to act in
the same manner.
Two of Meaghan Marr's dogs died in a suburb north of Atlanta, when
her two children were young. The first to go, Sadie, had ongoing
health issues, so Marr was able to have continuous conversations and
prepare her then-7-year-old son and 4-year-old daughter.
“My son definitely understood what was going on. While my daughter
was sad, it didn’t quite reach her as deeply,” Marr said. She said
it seemed like a lot of the children's' emotions were in response to
her own grieving for a pet she refers to as her “soulmate dog.”
Halfond advises parents not to hide their feelings from their
children.
“If you’re feeling sad, it’s OK for the child to see you feeling
sad. In fact, it could be confusing if something sad happened and
they don’t see that emotion reflected in their parents," she said.
Leave room for closure and lifelong memories
One way to help children come to terms with the death of a pet is by
memorializing the lives of the late companions through activities
such as raising money for animals in need, drawing pictures, holding
funerals or doing the things their pets loved to do.
Before their dog Sadie died, Marr said many of the conversations
with her kids centered around how dogs don't live forever and would
one day go to heaven. The difficult part for her was explaining that
was true of every pet.
“We talked about if they still wanted animals even though they are
not going to last as long as we do,” she said. “It hurts to lose
them, but they make your life so much better while they are here.”
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