Relationship experts and couples say romance doesn't need grand gestures
to thrive
[February 09, 2026]
By CHEYANNE MUMPHREY
Doing something romantic for Valentine's Day does not need to involve a
heart-shaped box of chocolates, roses or an atypically expensive dinner,
according to relationship experts.
In fact, therapists encourage couples craving intimacy and a deeper
connection to focus less on grand gestures and more on expressing love
with mundane acts that recognize what matters to their partner.
Romance is not one size fits all. For some people, it means holding
hands, opening a car door or drawing a bath for their lover. Others
respond to receiving a hilarious text, coffee in bed or an offer to run
a nagging errand. Either way, demonstrating kindness and care in small
ways over time helps to support relationships as they evolve, says Traci
Lee, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Dallas.
"The more that early on, you as a couple are able to establish good
habits of whatever romance is going to look like for you, the better it
is," Lee said.
Couples counselors and people in relationships share ideas for showing a
romantic partner love throughout the year:
Romance is constantly evolving
Early in a relationship, it doesn’t take much to show romantic
intentions, but that changes as couples learn more about each other as
individuals, discover what their partner needs for emotional and
physical well-being, and experience life together.
“Depending on what stage of the relationship you’re in, romance can mean
different things,” Lee said. For example, couples with parenting and
caregiving responsibilities have less time to devote to each other than
they did during the honeymoon phases right after they started dating or
got married.
Gabrielle Gambrell, who lives in New York with her husband of seven
years and their two children, thinks romance “should be an evolution”
and therefore takes work. One piece of advice she received before
getting married stuck with her: Never stop dating.
“You keep romance alive by continuously dating," Gambrell said. "No
matter how busy or what happens in the world, me and my husband have a
mandatory date night. And every single date night, we leave the date
energized and happy and grateful, and reminded what means the most to
us.”
Taking the pressure off Valentine's Day
Valentine's Day carries a heavy burden of social pressures, fantasies
from movies and books, and individual desires and expectations that
often go unexpressed. All can be managed with planning and
communication, experts say.
“Some people will say, ‘If I have to tell my partner what to do, then it
won’t be romantic.' But I have to remind people that their partner is
not a mind reader," Lee said. "I try to blow up the myth that romance
can only happen if it's created spontaneously out of thin air.”
[to top of second column]
|
(AP Illustration / Peter Hamlin)
 Gambrell, who describes herself as a
planner by nature, says she typically starts asking her husband
questions about their plans for Feb. 14 days before. Making
assumptions about the best way to celebrate Valentine's Day and
comparisons with other couple's relationships are likely to lead to
disappointment, she said.
“Love is not perfect. Romance is not perfect. Relationships, there’s
nothing perfect about them, but they are beautiful,” she said.
Clarence Smith IV, a 29-year-old middle school teacher and video
content creator in Phoenix, remains a big believer in using
traditional acts of chivalry to communicate respect and care for his
girlfriend, such as positioning himself closer to the curb when they
are walking together on a street.
“Romance today involves more seen gestures - let this be seen, let
this be shown, let this be big," Smith said, adding that in his
dating experience some people see his gentlemanly behavior as
old-fashioned. "I do little things like that, and they’re looked at
as superbly impactful. We don’t do this anymore. But to me, baby,
this is basics.”
Express love beyond February
While some relationship experts recommend establishing traditions
around meaningful holidays, anniversaries and birthdays, others say
that creating rituals to mark new seasons or weekends are equally
valuable as part of the foundation for merging lifestyles and
routines.
Lee says she often explains to her clients a popular analogy in the
counseling industry: If you get in a fight with your partner and
apologize with a dozen roses, that would be great, but bringing one
rose every day for 12 days would communicate consistency and
dedication.
She asks patients, “What are some small things that you can do that
are going to be a way for you to show up for your partner in the way
that they need it?”
Gambrell says gift-giving is the way she prefers to receive and show
love. As a result, it touches her deeply and comes across as a
romantic gesture when her husband buys her a scratch-off lottery
ticket or stationery item, like a pen or notebook, at the store.
“It's knowing that you’re thinking about me, that I’m on your mind,
that you stop what you’re doing to think of me," she said.
Smith encourages people to not be afraid of expressing love
regardless of how experienced a dating life or how long a
relationship they have.
“Do not be afraid to love in your own way," he said. “It’s always
worth it. You always win in the end.”
All contents © copyright 2026 Associated Press. All rights reserved |
