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 It
was ten degrees out and windy. I knew that. I checked my app. Yet….I
felt that the empty milk carton in my fridge was cause for me to go
out and tackle the grocery store challenge. I knew I wasn’t up for
the gargantuan trek through Hy-Vee, so chose the Aldi option.
Parking is easy there. I grabbed a plastic Aldi bag I had bought on
a previous food mart adventure. Carrying it incorrectly it filled
with wind and trailed behind me like a race car drag chute. I
determined it was a short destination, so let said bag tug and pull
me as the wind ripped through my hair and unzipped coat. Idiots can
be so stupid.
I put my quarter…my only quarter…into the lock to get my cart. The
latch wouldn’t release. Neither would the clasp that held my
quarter. I rattled the cart. I banged on the cart. I slapped the
cart and called it names. It put me in the mood where I wanted to
set someone’s face on fire and put it out with a fork. I. Was.
Angry.
I heard a man’s voice behind me hesitatingly asking me if I would
like his cart. “I don’t have another quarter.” I snarled. “I don’t
want one.” He replied. I wanted to crawl in a hole. I thanked him
and apologized for my temper tantrum. He nodded cautiously as he
gathered his bags and quickly retreated away from me. Heavy sigh.
I went through the produce aisle, and nothing pleased me. Not one
piece of fruit or one vegetable looked good to me. I was getting
upset with me. Next came the bread corridor. This irritated me. Why
put the produce and the bread at the beginning of the store? I
always end up smashing them before checkout. I came across some
Chocolate Chip Brioche. I didn’t even know what brioche was. I
bought it anyway. Anything with chocolate chips can’t be bad.
I quickly threw it in my cart and went on my grumpy way. There was
this lady that walked into the store with me. She had absolutely
every right in the world to be there. But…. we kept walking through
the store together and she was annoying. She kept getting in front
of me and poking packages and holding things up to the light. It.
Was. Infuriating.
Bill Watterson, “You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocket
ship underpants don’t help.”
I could not seem to get ahead of her and stay there. I almost had
her at the end when I was picking up an eight pack of sparkling
water. I caught her out of my peripheral vision and quickly threw
the cans of water into my cart to stay ahead of her. The water
landed on my egg carton. I, of course, broke an egg. My Presbyterian
upbringing mandated it was my fault and I had to pay for the broken
egg. My Scots Irish temperament was livid with the interloper who
was destroying my shopping trip.
News anchor Neil Cavuto, “There’s nothing wrong or evil about having
a bad day. There’s everything wrong with making others have to have
it with you.”
But I wanted her to have a bad day. She was so oblivious it was
maddening.
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I had picked up a package of Reuben flavored potato chips. Son,
Steve, loves Reubens so I picked up a bag to give to him. I had only
come in for milk and now had brioche, broken eggs, and chips so I
figured it was time to check out.
There is only one lane that has a human to help you check out at
Aldi’s. That line was long and my new nemesis was standing there. I
opted to check out on my own. I chose unwisely.
I picked up the bag of potato chips to scan them, and for some
reason the bag exploded. It sounded like a gunshot. It echoed
throughout the store and Reuben flavored potato chips flew
everywhere. Let me tell you this about that……you may think there are
too few employees in a store until a shot is fired and then they
emerge around you like the flying monkeys in “The Wizard of Oz”.
I about had a heart attack when the bag exploded. I almost had
another one when people surrounded me with fear and suspicion. I
stood there with windswept hair, potato chips on my head, shoulders,
and coat. I literally had tears and was blabbering away about how
sorry I was and I was scared.
Once the employees figured it was a bag of chips and not a gun or
bomb, they disappeared as quickly as they materialized. It was kind
of spooky. One young employee took my limp bag of chip crumbs and
told me to go get another bag. I told him I didn’t want another bag.
He told me I had to get another bag. People were still watching. I
dutifully hung my head, did the walk of shame across the entire
store for another bag. Head still down, I trudged back and gingerly
scanned the bag and gently placed it in my brown paper sack.
I just wanted to go home. I couldn’t get the register to take my
card. The store had replaced the receptacle thingy, and I couldn’t
get the card in. I “timed out” and had to start everything over
again.
John A Simone, Sr., “If you’re in a bad situation, don’t worry it’ll
change. If you’re in a good situation, don’t worry it’ll change.”
I was frantic. Finally, a nice young man came from behind me, gently
took the card out of my hand, put it in the right way and my
groceries were paid for.
“Your Momma raised you right. Thank you.” I said to him with tears
in my eyes.
“I do enjoy life, I really do. Especially if I wake up the next
day.” Elizabeth Taylor.
L. Maxine McQueen can be contacted at maxmac.1@juno.com
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