2018 Wellness Expo

2018 Wellness Expo LINCOLN DAILY NEWS Wednesday, February 21, 2018 Page 23 zest. She attends church, concerts, meetings, Bible studies, enjoying each event and greeting people she recognizes, or who look friendly. She does twice-weekly water exercise to relieve her arthritis pain, and weekly exercise program sponsored by Alzheimer’s Association that enhances her balance and mobility. Any activity that provides social interaction lifts her spirit. She also enjoys road trips, though we stop every couple of hours and limit daily mileage to about 400 miles. I’m more flexible on plans than I used to be. Early in our experience with Alzheimer’s we made the decision to “go public” with the diagnosis. This has been a helpful decision, avoiding the awkwardness of people puzzling over her sometimes surprising responses. People know that when she repeats questions, it is not because she is not listening. Her brain just can’t process the information. Friends offer to help. She does not need a “baby-sitter,” but there are times when it is good for each of us to go, be, or do without the other. Friends jump in at that point. Our adult children step up for extended times when a fishing trip for me may offer more grandchildren time for her. Open communication about Alzheimer’s has been good for us, and for the people we relate to. The open communication has some challenges. We attempt to live within the dictum: “Don’t argue.” Historically, we practiced respectful argumentation as a means of resolving differences. But Alzheimer’s changed that. The disease blocks the ability to learn new information or concepts. The result is that arguments can neither be won nor settled. The factor that enables communication to be effective is a 50-year-long commitment. At the beginning of our marriage we promised to love in all situations, including “in sickness or in health.” The pledge was sincere, but not insightful. It is something we said because we were “in love.” It was a great feeling, but the feeling would not sustain a lifetime relationship. The passage of time has led to a transition from “in love” to a more mature “practice of love.” It is this still-maturing love that enables a satisfying relationship to exist, including a trust bond that resolves differences and uncertainties. In short, my wife trusts me when she does not understand, and I trust that her most frustrating behaviors are not intentionally designed to frustrate me. As we draw a disagreement to a conclusion with love being reaffirmed, Mary often says, “I guess it will only get worse.” My only response is, “But we will still love.” And we have to work at it. In our open approach to managing dementia we often have conversations with other people who are in early stages of dementia. There is a tendency to imagine that frequent memory lapses today mean that next week will feature lying in a fetal position with blank eyes staring into space, jaw agape, unresponsive to any stimulus. That image may describe a few CONTINUED →