Slim Randles'  Home Country

Knotheads         

[DEC. 23, 2005]  The other day, one politician called another one a "knothead" on the television news. It wasn't close to being accurate. The politician and his opponent didn't like each other. This made the accusation of knotheadism very easy to take the wrong way.

Knothead, you see, is an affectionate term. It is used whenever a person or an animal shows they are flawed and funny, like cowboys and journalists.

Very few of us can remember the first time we were called knotheads. In many cases, the appellation came from a grandfather or uncle. Aunts and grandmothers never use the term knothead. Ever. "Scamps," maybe.

If we could remember the first time, we would recall that was when we were taking a bath and ate the soap. Or the time we stuck our fingers in the toaster and got a shock. Knothead is an endearing term for youngsters of all kinds, you see.

Puppies who do stupid things and then grin at you are knotheads. Adult dogs that know what they're doing are never knotheads.

Little kids who try to be like their grandfathers and use a shovel that weighs more than they do are natural-born knotheads. Children who practice the piano half an hour a day are never knotheads.

Knotheads, by definition, are never deliberate.

Those of us who were knotheads before being old enough to shave know that you achieve knotheadiness through acting out of impulse, doing what you think best at the time without thinking first.

Therefore, only a knothead would pick up the garden hose and look in it to see why the water stopped coming out while his uncle is grinning and has his hand on the faucet.

Only a knothead would try to hide his ice cream cone from his sister by putting it in his sleeping bag to save it for later.

And while people who were never knotheads often grow up to be big-time executives and make lots of money and have good retirement plans, they'll never have the supply of funny stories that we former knotheads have. Every affliction has its rewards.

[Slim Randles]

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