New best friend      

Syndicated column from The Parent Institute

[JAN. 28, 2006]  Q: My second-grader has a new best friend. To be honest, I don't like this child very much. He is disrespectful and lacks some basic manners. He never says "please" or "thank you." He doesn't say "hello" or "good-bye" when he comes and goes in our house. I don't want my son to pick up on this type of behavior. What can I do?

A: Sooner or later, nearly every child makes a friend that a parent doesn't like too much. You see a boy who is rude and disrespectful. Your son sees a cool kid who is fun to be around and who acts out some of the things he only thinks about.

Like any parent, you want your child to be free to pick his own friends. But you don't want him to choose friends whose values are very different from yours.

Here's what you can do:

• Recognize that you are still the most important influence on your child. The values and actions he sees at home every day will have much more impact on his behavior than something he sees or hears from his friend.

• Set the rules for your house. If he uses disrespectful language, be gentle but firm. "Brandon, we don't use those words in our house. If you use that language again, I'll have to take you home." In time, the friend may be the one to pick up on polite behavior.

• Help your child think about his friend's behavior. If you see constant rudeness, make a casual comment. "How did you feel when Brandon talked that way?" Your son really will listen to you, even though he might not respond right away.

• Set limits if you feel the child is truly a bad influence. You might say, "I'm sorry, but Brandon always tries to get you to do things that are against the rules. We won't invite him to our house any more."

None of this will be easy, and it will take time. You might also try to find ways to help your child meet other children. Is there a baseball or soccer team he could join? Is there a club that meets his interests? As he gets to know children who share his interests, his friendship with the bad influence may fade away.

[The Parent Institute]

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"Ask the Learning Advisor -- Ideas for Raising Successful Children" is a free, syndicated column from the Parent Institute.