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"Somewhere in the course of a conversation between brothers, baseball history was changed," Jay McGwire wrote. "I was the one who convinced him to do it. Mark wouldn't trust anyone else. My heart told me that I was simply trying to help a brother in need. ... In addition to the healing prospects I saw ahead for Mark, I saw in him a blank canvas. I pictured what a beast he could become with the proper training, and I wanted to use my expertise to help create a masterpiece."
Jay McGwire stopped using steroids in 1996 after he became suicidal. He realized his mood swings and rage, and he found religion.
"It's just bad news. At the end of the run, it's just not good," he said. "It's like any other drug. Once you depend on it, it's the ball and chain of your life. As an athlete, people use that as a crutch to get through stuff. It's overwhelming, the temptation."
Jay McGwire, who opened McGwire's Fitness in Ontario, Calif., this month, thinks HGH has replaced steroids among some players.
"I guarantee it. Athletes are still using something. They don't have drug-testing for that, so they're going to use that," Jay McGwire said. "Now is HGH as powerful as the heavy testosterones out there? No, but HGH will help you recover faster, when it comes down to breaking down muscles and to put on lean muscle mass over time. It makes you just feel better when you're on HGH."
The brothers fell out after Jay McGwire's stepson, Eric, tickled Mark and caused Mark to spill coffee on himself. Mark then swatted Eric on the backside. Jay's wife, Francine, then refused to attend Mark's wedding.
Even a written letter of apology from Mark to Francine didn't end the rift.
"It's sad on both ends. I just can't believe something like that would keep us apart," Jay McGwire said. "Maybe he's just written me off. It's sad that it happened that way. I hope some day that this could all be past us."
Copyright 2010 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.
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