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How to give
delightful gifts
By Lisa Ramlow
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[November 28, 2018]
What
is the best gift you have ever received? A new bike, tickets to a
concert, a diamond ring, a pearl necklace, a knitted scarf, a
crocheted blanket, golf clubs, or your favorite homemade dinner? Was
it big? Expensive? We are all familiar with the quote “It is not
the gift, but the thought that counts (Henry Van Dyke).”
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 Is it really the thought that counts? Or, is it
the size of the gift that matters? Or, is it the expense of the gift
that is important? Some believe that a gift better be one or the
other. The problem with gift giving is the expectation, big or
expensive, associated with the gift.
As the holiday season draws near, let’s take a moment to consider
why we give gifts in the first place. On one level, we give gifts
because it is customary. Gift giving is included in every culture on
earth.
Underlying the custom, we give gifts to people to express how
valuable they are in our lives. A common misconception is that the
bigger or more expensive the gift, the more valuable the person.
The trouble is that everyone has a different interpretation of gift
giving, which makes it hard to discern if the gift is supposed to be
big or expensive:
1. Expressive gifts come from the heart. They are given without any
thought of receiving something in return. When you give your loved
one, friend or family, a tangible piece of jewelry or an intangible
gift like a cooking lesson or cleaning service, you give it because
care about that person not because you expect them to reciprocate.
This gift doesn’t have to be big or expensive because it is the
sacrifice of the giver that is most appreciated.
2. Normative gifts are given out of respect and are expected.
Whether Christmas, Mother’s Day, a birthday or an anniversary;
normative gifts, which can be thoughtful, are given so no one gets
hurt feelings. Should an anticipated gift not be given the neglected
party may become upset or angry. A normative gift does not have to
be big or expensive. A homemade card with a handwritten note of
appreciation, a special photograph, or a gift certificate for a
dinner together would suffice for these occasions.
3. Strategic gifts are given with the expectation of getting
something in return. These types of gifts can be tricky. Sometimes,
these gifts are given with the sole purpose of getting the recipient
to behave favorably toward the giver. Sometimes this gift is given
as a promotion between a business and the customer; the business is
hoping for customer loyalty by giving a token of appreciation for
their business. The quality of the strategic gift is more important
than size or expense since it is a gateway to something you want,
even if what you want is good will.
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The reality is that there are always two people
involved in gift giving. It can be awkward when you receive
something bigger or more expensive than the gift you gave. Even more
concerning is when you are not pleased with the gift. “I know
what I have given you. I do not know what you have received,” -
Antonio Porchia.
The opportunities for misunderstandings during gift
giving can be immense. Therefore, it is important to be careful when
choosing a gift to put thought and care into selecting it.
The most appreciated gift anywhere in the world is one that
specifies the giver has taken into consideration the recipient’s
likes and dislikes. Everyone wants to be appreciated and when the
giver taps into that feeling, it can be satisfying for the gift
giver and the receiver.
A gift really should be given to delight people. It doesn’t really
matter if the gift is big or expensive as long as the gift is
thoughtful and unique. “It isn’t the size of the gift that
matters, but the size of the heart that gives it,” - Eileen
Elias Freeman.
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