 These miserable excuses for human beings invoke the teachings of a
peaceful religion as their reason -- and even as permission -- to
kill innocent people. Their reward: 72 virgins in the afterlife.
Seventy-two virgins is very strong incentive for an adolescent mind,
but I don't believe that a mighty god like Allah would ever lower
himself to pimping for the cause.The extremists claim that the
Quran directs them to do such dastardly deeds, when in fact, the
Quran prohibits suicide.
Young men are the principal recruits for suicide bombings because
they are the only no-minds who could be talked into such a farce.
If the older men truly believed in the rhetoric they were
spewing, why weren't Osama bin Laden and his band of merry men the
first in line to get their 72 virgins? Are we supposed to believe
they are somehow being magnanimous by allowing the young recruits to
be blown to bits so they could have first shot at the virgins? I'm
not buying it.
If they were true believers of Islam religion and not just
promoters of anarchy and hate, then there are weapons we could use
that would be more effective than even a nuclear bomb.
True Muslims believe that pigs are unclean and that one cannot
enter heaven if they have eaten or even touched a pig. If that is
the case, why haven't we developed a line of porcine weapons
designed to stop terrorism in its tracks? Terrorize the terrorists
with pork cannons and ham grenades.
Instead of dropping bombs on a safe house, drop a 500-pound pig
carcass. True believers would be horrified, drop their weapons and
beg for mercy.
Think of the money that could be saved in reconstruction costs
if, instead of raining missiles down on a city taken hostage by
terrorists, we could carpet-bomb the city with bacon bits.
The terrorists use roadside bombs to deal with Americans. We could
use exploding pigs with remote control detonation devices that would
plaster an unsuspecting troop of would-be virgin defilers with raw
pork and pig guts. Think of all the virgins we'd save!
[to top of second column] |
 If by some
amazing chance the terrorists managed to raise an army and met us on
our home turf, the citizens of the United States would simply turn a
hog loose in our front yards and carry a shotgun loaded with
chitlins.
This is all assuming that terrorists are actually true believers
of Islam, which, unfortunately, they are not. They believe in
spreading their message of hate all over the world without regard
for the sanctity of human life. True believers of Islam abhor
violence, but many have been steeped in it for centuries because of
these terrorists and their divisive practices.
I submit that we Americans sacrifice an occasional ham sandwich
and send our entire swine brigade over to the Middle East and drop
them into the cities. The people who run are the true, peaceful
Muslims and the ones who are left will be the radical extremists.
We'll separate the wheat from the chaff. Then we'll round up all the
terrorists, put them on planes and ship them to America for a fair
trial. It would be a terrible shame if the planes only had enough
fuel to make it halfway across the ocean.
Then, with the exception of rice and beans for our true Muslims,
Americans will celebrate with a nationwide pig roast.
[By LAURA SNYDER]
You can reach the writer at
lsnyder@lauraonlife.com
Or visit www.lauraonlife.com
for more columns and info about her books.
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