|
Slim Randles' Home Country
Remember to feed your squirrel
Send a link to a friend
[February 06, 2010]
When Steve and Dud got up to go get a paper, it left just
Doc and Bert sitting at the philosophy counter of the Mule Barn
truck stop. Bert turned his head and smirked a little, being careful
not to let Doc see him. Doc also didn't see Dud outside, punching in
a number on his cell phone while Steve stood by as a cheerleader. |
 "Doc," said Loretta, filling the coffee cups, "phone call for you,
Hon.""Here? OK..." Doc walked over to the cash register and
picked up the phone.
"This here Doc?" said the caller. "The Doc what lost his
squirrel?"
"Uh..." Doc looked around for help. There was none. "Yes. Yes it
is."
"Found your dang squirrel here, Doc. That reward thing still
good?"
"Well... yes."
"Five dollars and a quarter, right? Now is that cash or check? I
don't take no checks."
Doc is looking all around and looks wilderness-type lost. "Cash,
I guess."
"Only thing is, Doc, need to be sure this is your squirrel,
right? So can you describe him for me?"
"He's... gray."
"All gray squirrels are gray, now, ain't that right? How about
any distinguishing marks? Tattoos?"
"No tattoos."
[to top of second
column]
 |
"So far, so good. Now you said in the ad his name is Chipper.
Well, I called him Chipper and the son of a gun bit me."
"He did?"
"What I mean to ask here, Doc, is did you and your squirrel get
along? No squirrel problems? He looks like he needs a square meal to
me. You feed him good?"
"What?"
"You know... like Squirrel Chow free choice, or did you put him
on a nut ration? I mean, he ate like there was no tomorrow. Dang
near ate up the whole five dollars and a quarter reward money in
squirrel food."
Steve and Dud walked back into the café, then, with the cell
phone still at Dud's ear, and the laughing began.
"You were right all along, Doc," said Bert. "In winter, everyone
can use a good hoax."
Doc bought the coffee.
[Text from file received from Slim Randles]
Brought to you by the soon-to-be-announced
syndicated radio program "Home Country." We thought you should be
warned.
|
