Some of the darndest things kids told Linkletter

[May 27, 2010]  (AP) -- Quotes from Art Linkletter's best-seller "Kids Say the Darndest Things." Linkletter is the questioner.

Have you ever been in love?

No, but I've been in like.

___

Any brothers or sisters?

A 2-month-old brother.

How does he behave?

He cries all night.

Why is that, do you think?

He probably thinks he's missing something on television.

___

(Little girl, asked about her pets): I used to have a duck but it ran away. Then I had a turtle, but my father stepped on it. Then I had three goldfish, but my sister put water softener in their bowl and they softened to death.

___

My father's a schoolteacher.

That's a fine profession. Does he like it?

He only has one thing to complain about.

What's that?

The kids.

___

Any brothers or sisters?

No.

Would you like some?

Sure, I'm lonesome.

What does your mother say when you ask for one?

She just groans.

___

What would you like to be?

A stewardess.

What if a plane was in danger over the Rocky Mountains?

I'd put parachutes on everybody and if there wasn't any parachutes I'd sew up sheets into parachutes real fast and put in extra pillows so if the sheets ripped on the way down, they could always land on the pillows.

___

What did your mommy tell you not to say?

My mother told me not to tell any of the family secrets, like the time she dyed her hair blonde and it came out purple.

___

Did you see Santa this year?

See him? I fixed him a bourbon and water.

[Associated Press]

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