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 Nature hates a vacuum, and so does Windy Wilson.
The other day, emerging from the drug store, he looked around, and,
finding no handy audience, spoke instead to the world.
“Dad-gum ol’ Doc, anyway,” he said. “He’s one-a my bestest pals, but
if you go to him for a mizz-ry, he makes you do some things and quit
doin’ some other things. Them things Doc wants you to do you don’t
wanna do, and the things he wants you to quit doin’ are stuff you
bin savin’ up to do a buncha years now.
“Now ol’ Doc didn’t even know he done it, but he proved to me that
we had some a-them space alienated bein’s for ancestors. Oh, they’s
hidin’ out now, but they got a job … as pill namers!
“Doc told me to quit shoein’ horses, which was jest fine with me.
Missable back-breakin’ nasty work, anyway. But then he give me two
subscriptions for pills that I am ‘sposed to take for my mizz-ry.
“And when the nice girl here at the drugstore give ‘em to me, she
asked me if I had any questions about ‘em. And I ast her how to say
the pill names. And she told me, and thass when I knew.
“Ya see, ya can’t jest name them pills in American. Oh no. First off
ya gotta give ‘em a name that’s too much and a half too long … like
oh … syna-broliam-fester-ine. [to top of second
column] |
“We should take pill namin’ back
from them alien guys and create jobs fer Americans! Give them pills
names people can actual say.
“It wouldn’t be too awful dang hard to remember a pill for pain if
you called it
Mizzryfixer, now would it? And for a hangover cure, ya jest pop ya a
happy little pill called Betcha-wish-ya-hadn’t. If ya come down with
the sugar diabeets, ol’ Doc could tell ya to bullsnake down some
pills we could call Too-sweet-by-half-odone. Now, for a instance, if
you get plagiarized by them roamin’ ‘round peewaddles, you could
take a pill called Limp-be-gone, or mebbe-so Gimpy-blocker, and
you’d know jest what it was for, wouldn’t ya?
“Betcha them space guy’s jest laughin’ theirselves sick. But hey, at
least Doc told me to quit shoein’ horses, and that there’s a
constellation dee-voutly to be wished on.
“And you kin tell ‘em I said so.”
[Text from file received from
Slim Randles]
Windy sneaked in here
courtesy of the nice folks at the University of New Mexico
Journalism Department, where they claim they can talk more gooder
than him.
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