Son lacks confidence      

Syndicated column from The Parent Institute

[FEB. 3, 2006]  Q: My son is an above-average kid, but he has a tendency to put himself down. "I can't learn this," he says. Or, "I'm never going to be able to do this." Sometimes he says he can't do something even before he tries. How can I help him have more confidence in his abilities?

A: Some children are naturally optimistic. Others feel as if the whole world is watching and waiting for them to fail. But all children can learn to have a more positive attitude. As a parent, you play an important role in helping your son learn to have confidence in his abilities.

Here are some ways you can help:

• Start by listening to the messages you give to your son. How many times are you simply being critical? Children need to hear -- often -- that they are loved unconditionally.

• Tell your son stories about people who succeeded as a result of their efforts. (You may have some of your own.) Let your son know that you can learn to do almost anything if you work at it hard enough. After all, Thomas Edison had to try more than 10,000 different experiments before he created a light bulb.

• Help your son break a difficult challenge into smaller chunks. Sometimes, when children say, "I can't," they're really saying, "I don't know how."

• Give your son responsibilities he can handle. Completing a task on his own will give him a sense of accomplishment and contribution.

• Let your son make decisions. When you give your child options, you're saying, "I trust your judgment."

• Recount past successes. "Remember when you were selected for the musical? Your friends still talk about your performance."

• Praise your child's efforts and attempts, not just successes.

• Tell your son that mistakes are learning experiences, not failures.

Help your son believe in his strengths. Pointing out real accomplishments is the best way to convince your child that he really can achieve his goals. Help your child find some things that he does well -- and give him lots of chances to do those things. Let your son experience success. Success in one area often leads to confidence in others.

[The Parent Institute]

For more information about helping children learn or to submit your own question, go to http://advisor.parent-institute.com. All questions will receive a prompt answer by e-mail.

Copyright 2005, The Parent Institute

"Ask the Learning Advisor -- Ideas for Raising Successful Children" is a free, syndicated column from the Parent Institute.