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[JULY 13, 2002]  URBANA — Sibling rivalry is as old as the hills. Going way back to Cain and Abel, the siblings fought to biblical proportions. But disagreements between siblings don’t necessarily have to be a negative part of life, according to Laurie Kramer, University of Illinois clinical psychologist.

Kramer sees these squabbles as a golden opportunity for children to learn how to manage conflict. "It’s a chance for children to learn to deal with negative emotions, such as anger and frustration, in a safe environment," said Kramer. "Conflict can also help children to define their beliefs. It helps foster the development of one’s sense of self."

Through a research and outreach program, "Fun with Brothers and Sisters," Kramer found that with instruction, modeling, role-playing and positive feedback, young children can be taught social skills that facilitate healthy sibling relationships. These children can then go on to use the skills in relationships outside the home.

In the study, 4- to 6-year-old children with younger siblings were taught six important relationship skills. In a laboratory setting, with their parents watching out of sight, the children learned how to invite their siblings to play, how to accept an invitation to play and how to turn down an invitation. They also were exposed to simple strategies for

"perspective-taking" (considering the other’s point of view), handling frustration and negotiating conflicts.

"As they played and conflict arose, the children learned to verbalize their angry feelings instead of enacting them," said Kramer. "And they developed strategies to manage conflict that combined skills in communication, perspective-taking, emotional control and problem-solving. These skills helped them respond to conflict situations constructively and without aggression."

The children were given instruction, but in addition, toys and dolls were used to model appropriate behavior. Then they had hands-on opportunities to try out these new skills in role-playing games in which each child took turns pretending to be the older or younger sibling.

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The instructors used large signs to serve as visual clues, helping the children avoid impulsive behavior. One sign indicated "stop," another triggered them to "think" and the third to "talk." Finally, the children received positive feedback as they attempted these newly learned skills.

"After four sessions in the laboratory, a final session was held in the children’s home to encourage the use of conflict-management skills in their own environment," said Kramer.

These children, when compared with those who merely received instruction through discussion, books and videotapes, were more likely to respond positively to their brothers’ or sisters’ requests to play and to consider their siblings’ point of view. Parents noticed improvements in their children’s relationships and reported that their older children were also using the new social skills with their friends.

"These techniques may be useful for parents," said Kramer. "When the inevitable conflict arises, parents can encourage children to stop, think about their siblings’ perspective and talk things through."

"Learning how to get along with brothers and sisters can contribute to children’s social skills for better or for worse," said Kramer. "Highly divisive sibling relationships can be predictive of later problems, such as anti-social and disturbed behaviors in adolescence. On the other hand, healthy relationships with siblings, where conflict is well-managed, can last a lifetime and can enhance a child’s social competence in the world."

[U of I news release]

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