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That’s what Jeffrey
Dean, national youth communicator from Nashville, Tenn., told the
assembled young people of Lincoln Junior High School on Thursday
afternoon.
[Photo copyright
www.jeffreydean.org]
He told them he saw
them not as children but as young adults, faced with some adult-size
choices.
"The number one
choice that gets us in the most trouble is about relationships,
dating, love, romance and…" he paused before he used the word, "sex!
That word makes your heads pop up and your eyes bug out!"
However, Dean didn’t
have to use the big three-letter word to get the attention of the
junior high students; he had them listening to his ideas and
laughing at his humor right from the beginning of his hour-long
motivational message about abstinence.
He started by asking
questions about choices that have no wrong answers, such as "Do you
like Coke or Pepsi?" and "Which would you rather do, dress like your
parents or look like your parents?" He then talked about choices
that do have important consequences.
"I know you have
inside of you everything you need to succeed," he said. "You have
goals and dreams for your life. But every choice you make today will
somehow affect your future."
Our world today has
sold young people the wrong message about sex and love, he told
them. Sex is everywhere — MTV, movies, videos — because sex sells.
That makes the choice for abstinence harder.
But the big lie the
world is selling is that everybody’s doing it. That’s not true, he
told them. "Today 54 percent of teenagers in our schools are
virgins. So you are in the minority if you do it."
Choices can initially
seem rather innocent, but all too often these choices can take us
down roads we don’t want to travel, he told them.
"No matter how cool
it seems, any time you choose to get involved sexually outside of
marriage, at some point something bad will happen. Maybe not then,
but later."
He read a letter from
a girl who, at age 19, decided to go all the way with her boyfriend.
A few weeks later, they broke up. Two years later she got sick with
what she thought was the flu, but it turned out to be something much
worse.
"I’m HIV positive. I
no longer can choose my future," the letter said.
Altogether, he said,
there are more than 30 sexually transmitted diseases out there, some
of which can be spread by skin-to-skin contact.
Although today’s
teenagers are the "most independent group of teenagers that ever
walked this earth," like everyone else they still want security. One
way to get it is to have a dating relationship, but the desire to be
accepted by friends by choosing to have sex or to drink should not
take precedence over the goals and dreams of the future.
"Ninety-five percent
of the friends in your life now won’t be there in six years. You
won’t be going with the same boyfriend or girlfriend next year at
this time, and you probably aren’t going with the same one you had
last year at this time," he said.
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He told the girls
that the way they dress sends "a very real message to a guy about
what it is you’re willing to do with him.
"Society tells you
you have to dress a certain way, show more leg, less skirt," he
said. But tight clothes and showing a lot of skin can lead to
trouble.
"Even when you’re not
looking for trouble, trouble may come to you. Women in 2002 need to
take responsibility for the way they dress."
He warned the
seventh- and eighth-grade girls that when they get to high school,
older boys will want to date them. That, too, can lead to trouble
"The average girl
that gets pregnant today gets pregnant by a guy three years older."
And when they’re
thinking of marriage, "A guy doesn’t look for a girl who’s
experienced with a lot of different guys," he said.
To the young men, he
said, "Being a man is all about being respectful to young women. It
is a privilege to take her on a date. Never place her in any
environment where anything wrong can happen to her.
"Being man has
nothing to do with being sexually active. That’s part of the lies
our world sells you.
"The question should
not be ‘How far can I go?’ The mindset should be ‘I’m going to stay
as far away from danger as I can.’ Your body has no idea you’re not
wearing a wedding band. Your body isn’t wired to do this and this
and then stop," he said.
Because he and his
wife made the choice not to become involved sexually until they were
married, the birth of his first child, a daughter, was especially
meaningful.
"Abstinence is the
sanest, healthiest, safest and the right choice," he told them. "I
guarantee that you will never regret that choice."
Dean said that since
1993, when he formed his own company and began speaking to young
people, he has spoken to about a million students. Lincoln Junior
High was the ninth school on his schedule for the week, and he had
three more to go. He said he visits more than 200 schools, colleges,
prisons, churches and camps each year.
He promises to answer
all letters and all e-mails, and he makes both addresses available.
He carries a laptop so he can answer the e-mails as soon as
possible.
[Photo by Joan Crabb]
[Jeff Dean, left, talks with LJHS students
after the assembly.]
The young people at
Lincoln Junior High seemed to be favorably impressed with Dean’s
talk. They listened quietly and respectfully, and a few stayed after
the program to talk to him. Several eighth-grade girls said they
planned to get in touch with him by e-mail or letter.
The program was part of the curriculum of
health education teacher Sherri Sparrow — an eight-week session
called "Game Plan," designed to help teens make wise choices for
their future. It was funded by a grant from Project Reality, a
not-for-profit organization that has been teaching
abstinence-centered programs in the public schools since 1985.
[Joan Crabb]
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Breakfast
(Milk served with all meals)
Thursday, Oct. 24
— Trix yogurt, rice crispy treat, orange wedges
Friday, Oct.
25 — Cereal, doughnut holes,
juice
Monday, Oct. 28
— Cereal, graham crackers, juice
Tuesday, Oct. 29
— Scrambled eggs, toast, fruit
Wednesday, Oct. 30
— Cereal, cinnamon toast, juice
Thursday, Oct. 31
— Sausage bagels, fruit
Friday, Nov.
1 — Cereal, peanut butter
and jelly sandwich, juice
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Lunch
(Milk served with all meals)
Thursday, Oct. 24
— Chicken fried steak, broccoli and cauliflower with cheese sauce,
bread and butter, pears
Friday, Oct.
25 — Oven roasted barbecued
chicken, mashed potatoes, bread and butter, peaches
Monday, Oct. 28
— Hot dog on bun, barbecued beans, hash brown, applesauce
Tuesday, Oct. 29
— Spaghetti with meat sauce, lettuce salad, garlic toast, fruit
cocktail
Wednesday, Oct. 30
— Turkey horseshoe with french fries, celery stick, peaches
Thursday, Oct. 31
— Chicken fajitas with salsa, corn, tortilla chips, pears in jello
Friday, Nov.
1 — Chili with crackers,
corn bread with butter, cheese stick, dill spear, whipped dessert |
