'Ask the Learning Advisor'

12-year-old changing schools    

[APRIL 26, 2005]  Q: We have recently moved to a new area and my children are having to adjust to a new school. I am concerned about my 12-year-old daughter. Her grades have started to plummet, and she has suddenly become very social. I've put her on restriction until her grades come up, but that doesn't seem to work. Do you have any advice on how we can get her back on track?

A: Your daughter is fortunate to have a caring and aware parent. You are right to be concerned about her. This has been an important change for your daughter, and she is probably working on trying to fit in. This is also an important transition time to middle school. By taking action now, you can help her get back on track and motivate her to succeed in school.

Here are some ways you can help:

• Find a quiet time to talk with your daughter. Tell her what you have observed. Ask her to tell you what she feels has caused the change in her grades and some of her behavior. Listen carefully to what she has to say. Don't talk. Listen.

• Is she having trouble understanding the schoolwork?

• Is she having problems with her new friends?

• Is she having trouble transitioning in other ways at the new school?

• Make an appointment with her teachers. Let them know you want to work together to help your daughter to improve her grades. Ask if tutoring is available. Also ask about her "social" behavior in class.

• Consider volunteering at the new school.

• If your daughter is getting poor grades because she doesn't complete homework, set up a regular study routine with her. During her study time, keep distractions to a minimum. Turn off the TV and the radio. Ask everyone in the family to do some quiet work during that time.

• If your daughter is getting poor grades because of low test scores, review some test-taking strategies with her. Tell her to double-check her work before turning in her test. Often students make errors because they make a mistake in one step of a problem, not because they don't understand the concept.

• Observe your daughter with her new friends. Invite them to your home. Get to know them. Having friends is very important to 12-year-old girls. But if she is spending time with her friends, or talking on the phone, when she should be studying, then set some rules for her social life. And get to know her friends' parents.

Remember also that she is 12 and not only making the transition between schools, but also making the transition from childhood to becoming a teenager. Allow her some appropriate independence, but set limits and explain why they're important. Let her know that you are available to talk and tell her every day that you love her!

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For more information about helping children learn or to submit your own question to The Learning Advisor, go to http://advisor.parent-institute.com. All questions will receive a prompt answer by e-mail.

© Copyright 2005, The Parent Institute.

"Ask the Learning Advisor -- Ideas for Raising Successful Children" is a free, syndicated column available through The Parent Institute.

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